Thursday, August 12, 2010

Porter's Funeral

Today I got to play the music for my friend's son's funeral.  It was the hardest thing and most rewarding thing I have ever done.  I heard about the death Friday night and immediately called Catherine and started crying.  Saturday and Sunday was off and on crying.  I thought I had a hold of myself on Monday, then Tuesday and Wednesday there were no tears.  I thought to myself that I would hold up during the funeral.  But, as soon as I saw Jeanette, I knew I was going to lose it again.  My grief for their family, for the surreal feeling of the experience, and for the heartache I know will follow was too much for me.  I had to pray very hard for Heavenly Father to please help me to not cry so I could play the organ.  Miraculously, whenever I played the organ, the tears did not flow.  But, every time I stopped, they tears came.  I still have a lump in my throat as I write this.

I wanted to write a message to Jeanette.  She probably does not know how much she means to me.  My last best friend was back in Elementary School, Kristen Saunders.  We did everything together and I loved her very much.  When she moved away, I was devastated.  I never really had any other close girlfriends after that.  Even into my adult years, I shied away from gaining a true girlfriend.  I was afraid that if I got to know and love someone, one of us would move away.  Even after I moved into this ward, it took me a long time to start talking to someone and feeling close to someone.  It wasn't until I started the exercise group in the morning that I started really talking to Jeanette and getting to know someone.  I loved and looked forward to our hour in the morning to exercise and just talk.  I talked to her about everything.  Things I wouldn't normally just tell anyone.  I know I am not her best friend and that I am not a very good friend.  But, she helped me open up and love again.  I now have several friends in the ward and I know it is because I was able to open up and talk to her and be myself.  Jeanette, I love you and want you to know you are an inspiration to me.  I hope I can learn to be a better friend by knowing you and that you can lean on me during these tough times.

2 comments:

  1. I'm so glad that you could do that for a friend. This is why I have my children in Piano. I hope that they have peace with them for a very long time.

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  2. I also am glad you were able to do that for your friend. Your a good friend and i know the funeral was just beautiful.

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